The Long and Winding Road

I've talked before about hope, but I think hope is now gone.

The chance to find a new job has now passed me by, and will most likely be unreachable for at least the next year. Unless, that is, I can find a nice, open-minded, accepting employer who is willing to lose me for two months in the spring.

Being pregnant is a great joy, and one we've honestly looked forward to... except that the timing could be better. But these things happen, and there's nothing more I can do about it for now.

It puts a damper on the hope of getting the hell out, and that is the problem. I don't want to forceably be there for another year. Neither do I want to end up laid off, which is what it's starting to look like again, and be this way and HAVE to find another job. Both prospects completely suck.

This is my fault entirely. I slacked off on finding something else because I got "busy". Too many projects, too much freelance (and yet still not enough to quit and live off of), too much stress and I let it get to me instead of being proactive about it. So I have no one to blame but myself.

I could have sent out the portfolio piece I designed, but I kept saying it wasn't good enough yet. I put off applying online because I didn't finish building a website to display my work. I am, as are most of us, my own worst critic, and it paralyzed me from opportunity.

It's not going to come knocking on my door, I have to seek it out myself. I have the time now... whether I wanted it or not.

Please don't let me waste it...